Wild grief
The Rev. Meg Riley experiences “wild grief,” first in her childhood hometown, and then while staying in the UUA’s recently-sold guesthouse in Boston.
I knew that I was grieving the loss of this home away from home, but it wasn’t until I began to see the ubiquitous presence of the people who are purchasing it, measuring and discussing future plans, that irrational grief began to burn in me. “They’re walking around as if they own the place!” I sputtered to a co-worker, who responded kindly, “They do.” (Quest for Meaning, March 20)
When a hater dies
UU bloggers dug deep into their beliefs this week, in response to the death of the Rev. Fred Phelps, leader of the aggressively antigay Westboro Baptist Church.
The Rev. Lynn Ungar reminds us that, as UUs, we try to play on “the Love Team.”
If you are rooting for Phelps to receive the misery that he so richly deserves then you have opted in with the world view that people deserve to be punished for being despicable, which is exactly what Phelps himself had to say. If that’s what you believe, that God hates and punishes, well then, by all means rejoice, but know that you have chosen to play on Phelps’s team.
Or you could go with the team which says that love is without limits, that every one of us is a part of the sacred, that every one of us has worth and dignity, that each of us is tied to the other in an infinite web of love and connection. (Quest for Meaning, March 19)
The Rev. Amy Zucker Morgenstern feels pity for Phelps.
I think of my most out of control, seething moments and try to imagine feeling like that all the time, and I see a soul in torment. . . .
I believe heaven and hell are what we make here in this life, and as far as I can see, this man has been living in hell, and making every encounter with him hell for others, for decades. I don’t believe that any punishment or reward awaits him, just that soon his pain will stop, and I am glad for him. (Sermons in Stones, March 18)
The Rev. Scott Wells writes from the perspective of a Christian UU, and a gay man.
He set himself up consciously to be my enemy, and perhaps yours. But Jesus taught us to love our enemies and pray for our persecutors. This reminds us, and is our testimony before God, that we regard Fred Phelps as human and not a monster. Redeemable, if not in this world then the next. . . .
I have no answer why he hated with such a perfect hate, but the reason is less important than making clear to the living that we need not live like that, that we need not be silent before it or that he did not represent what faithful people are. (Boy in the Bands, March 20)
The Rev. Cynthia Landrum offers a prayer for the peace of Phelps’ soul. (Rev. Cyn, March 20)
The power of love
Barry Sanders shares a lesson from the Harry Potter books about how to deal with dementors—people who rob us of our courage: “The hope and love in our hearts is what protects us and drives away the Dementors.” (Gathered by the Fire, March 18)
Judy Foster reviews a friend’s memoir about adopting and raising two children from Ukraine.
It took years of patience; the support of church, neighbors, colleagues, friends; the help of therapists and counselors; professional care; sheer endurance; a stubborn refusal to give up; and a seemingly bottomless reservoir of love; but eventually Nancy, Alec, and Alyona became a family, bonded by love, trust, and a sense of pride for having overcome such tremendous odds. (Your Brain on Books, March 18)
Karen Johnston writes that being an adoptive parent has been part of her identity, and a source of her strength.
I have always said that adoptive parenting is different than parenting. Not better or superior or more noble, but definitely different. I am going to go out on a limb and say more complex. Perhaps this is egocentric of me. Perhaps it is flat out wrong, since I don’t have anything else with which to compare. Yet, today, in this veiled way, I offer it up as my truth. (irrevspeckay, March 17)
The Rev. Robin Bartlett shares a love letter to her infant son, on his baptism day.
I know that a love beyond all knowing is at work in us when I look at smiling, soft little you. . . .You and your father came soon after the deepest sadness our family has experienced: a divorce and a new way of living. You came after a death of an old way of life. And you and your father are my proof that there is life on the other side of heartbreak, that Love conquers even death. You have helped us become whole and healed. (Living Faithfully/Parenting Faithfully, March 18)
Privilege and puppeteers
Doug Muder shares a recent sermon about recovering from privilege.
What if you could treat all your privileges . . . as assets to be used for the common good? If you could do that, then no matter how many privileged groups you belong to, the wound in your identity would be healed. Not painfully, through guilt and penance, but joyfully, through compassion and love and generosity. (Free and Responsible Search, March 18)
Margaret Sequeira does not believe that God is a puppeteer, manipulating the details of people’s lives.
[If] I didn’t earn so many of the things that have brought me joy and love and fulfillment, what makes me think that my suffering is part of some grand plan or big test that will result in great reward? (Scattered Revelations, March 18)
Do church differently
The Rev. Tom Schade believes it’s time for a “once in a century” reorganization of the UUA, beginning with the reorganization of its data.
The organization of our data about Unitarian Universalists is that it is kept in local silos, in different software systems that can’t talk to each other. . . . [It] assumes a country where people don’t move often, where families join a church and stay for generations, where people conduct their religious life in person by showing up at the church building on Sunday morning and where data is shared across the country by sending carbon copies through the mail. OK, maybe I exaggerate, but you get the picture. (thelivelytradition, March 20)
The Rev. Amy Zucker Morgenstern dreams of a UU day camp for her daughter.
To repeat: wherever you are, there are thousands of children in your area who need some kind of program for as many as 12 weeks a year, and whose parents will pay for it. . . . I’m betting if you made a day camp available, lots of Unitarian Universalists, non-Unitarian-Universalists and not-yet-Unitarian-Universalists would sign up. I know my family would.
Is there a UU day camp near you? Does your child go to it? What’s it like? Or if there isn’t one and you wish there were, what would you like to see? (Mookie’s Mama, March 20)
Katy Carpman thinks churches should give their leaders the option to step away from their roles.
People need to feel that they are still welcome even if they are not carrying a specific load, and there needs to be enough flexibility in the system that each shift is not immediately internalized as a “loss.” (Remembering Attention, March 15)
Thomas Earthman has noticed that UUs using social media often fail to respect intellectual property and the artists who create it.
[Make] sure that you credit the artists whose work you love enough to share. Make sure that they are ok with you sharing their work. Acknowledge that creating art is a valuable thing for that person to do, and that you would like them to keep doing it. Give thanks, and remember that some people live by their art the same way that a carpenter lives by their craft. (I Am UU, March 20)